Can I just SCREAM!!!! That is what I want to do, but what would people think? I am supposed to be the strong, calm one. I am supposed to be the one that has the cool head, thinker, solver of problems and offer up wisdom and advice when needed / asked. After all, I am in ministry and that should supersede everything else, right? WRONG!
I would love to tell you that every day I get up in the morning and I am cheerful and excited to get to the office and start doing. At times, it’s very true. Yet other times, well no thank you. I don’t want to get up, I don’t want to go to work and you can’t make me! At least that is what is playing in my head. As that is playing in my head, I am trudging through the muck and mire of life, thinking how did I get here?
So, you don’t know me. At times I am very calm and relaxed, yet other times I have had too much caffeine and ramble a little too much and most likely you wouldn’t understand what I am saying. God gave my bride the cool gift of deciphering my speak at times! There are moments when I am so down, so tired, feeling so alone, but you wouldn’t know that. There are even times when I am so sad or angry that I would scare you if you really knew what was in my head at that moment. But again, you don’t know that side of me. I used to tell people that I am an “open book” and ask me anything you want to. Not so much these days. I don’t want to keep reliving certain events in my life anymore. They tire me out and leave me feeling ugly – inside and out.
Did you know that I am competitive? I mean COMPETITIVE! Pretty much playing any game, I want to win, I play to win – even if playing against kids! But if lose in a game – its okay. But, did you know I am bowler and I like to WIN. I am my own worst critic of my game and I have seriously bowled games over 250 and award scores and not been happy with my performance! I have been on first place teams and still felt I could have done better, but then truthfully, God placed me on a team with men that are so talented and they would agree -we all could have done better! That is just who we were then and they still are. They are still bowling, winning and “making friends.” I love those men, not as friends, but really as my brothers that I never had.
Ministry! I am telling myself at this moment to tread carefully here, I don’t want to give anyone big head syndrome! Seriously, like bowling, God has placed me in a church with a group of people that although I know we work together, I also see them as family. But as you know, family can push your buttons at times! I wouldn’t trade working with any of them! Love you Skyline staff!
Did you know that I have goals, hopes, dreams and more? I can get scared in the dark, afraid of the unknown and have to be in control to a certain point? I have fears, doubts, hate letting people down and at times very low self-esteem? Well, I do, how about you?
I have very few people that I am transparent with and I fill them in my life. I do this because I need accountability and prayers and I am so thankful for these people. One key person is my best friend and bride of 21 years! Without Susan by my side I couldn’t have done what I have done so far and there is so much more to come!
One more you know don’t know me…I bet you didn’t think about, so you don’t know – that:
I am a child of the one true King, son, dad, husband, grandson, nephew, cousin, in-law, bowler, writer, dreamer, survivor, friend, counselor, servant, pastor, dog loving, nature lover and so much more. Those are just a few of the hats I wear and things I love.
You don’t know me…. Well maybe a little bit now you do. I am truthfully a very private person. I am content with a few close friends and that is it. I am not a big crowd guy or a “look at me” type of person. I am just me. I am the man that God has placed here on this planet. I was the gift to my parents who raised me and took care of me and now I just do my best to do whatever God is asking me to do. At times that is not easy, other times it is. I am just me.
Why did I blog this? Because I don’t want you to be afraid of BEING YOU. We live in a world where we are constantly being told what to wear, what to watch, who to vote for, what color your hair should be and that list goes on and on. Whether you believe in God or not -you are unique. You have been created to be an individual, an individual shaped and molded by family, friends, teachers and more. But as you have been molded, you have your own brain and your own choices to make. Don’t try to be a carbon copy of someone else. (HAH! I am thinking some of you may not even know what carbon copy means!) Stop trying to be like someone else! Just be you. BE the person that is unique from eye color to body shape to your intelligence and more. Quit trying to act like or dress like someone else. Don’t be afraid to step out into this tough world as who you are. Because you know what? You are a friend, a spouse, a girl friend or boyfriend, a son or a daughter and more. AND you are needed, appreciated, desired and loved. Be you.