Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DE19KL-JLA

So I have to share that I love listening to Josh Groban, he has an amazing range of music. Some of it can inspire, calm and yet others will make you think. This song makes me think. It seems to fit so well in my life right at this moment. So much has happened in just 5 years that many times I find myself wondering just how did I get “here?” Then, as quick as I question that, I wander off in thought to avoid answering this question.

Really in the past 6 years is more like it. I closed a business that was one of my dreams to do and have – so a win, yet a sad good bye to something I deeply enjoyed. As an elder for my church I helped our team to complete our construction of a church building, we had been meeting in a high school. I then stepped into the role of Executive Pastor for our church, where I take care of day to day business, help with staff, events, counseling and more. My mom and my dad had medical issues that caused much exhaustion and strain on life. Dad passes away, mom moves to assisted living. My mother in law passes 1 month after my dad and then things changed with my mom again and we moved her to a care facility.

I go from becoming healthy, losing weight biking a lot, to weighing in at my heaviest and now back down again and I cannot forget that in all of this that we move to a new home, my wife becomes ill for a time and then diagnosed with an auto immune issue and is then out of work for a few months. We end up having to put our four legged child to sleep after having her for about 8 years – best dog EVER! My then Sr Pastor, my very good friend, shares that he has been praying and God is moving him to another church, a pastoral search begins, Covid-19 strikes, racial unrest across the country, politics on steroids goes crazy and here we are! Well, here I am!

NOW what is important to note here – none of that is in any particular sane timeline – other than the first thing of closing my business is in the correct spot – at the beginning! AND as I look back at the above – I am finding myself in a bit of an odd “funk” sprinkled with “aha” moments. Now I look at the words below of the song and I can see a bit why I am where I am and even “why” I am. I guess I have much to dig through if I want to do more in this life -because I do! But I am stuck, frozen in my tracks and numb to a lot of what is around me these days.

Some days I can say why I am lonely, others I cannot. I hate to ask for help. I dislike crowds, and watching water move or even just staring at water – its peaceful…. so much to think through… so much to conquer – yet time is fleeting…..

Have you ever been here? I would love to hear from you and how you worked through it. Email me @pastordenniswagner@gmail.com OR leave some comments here on the blog.

Thanks for stopping by the fire,

Pastor Dennis

River by :Josh Groban

Some days I can’t say why I’m feeling lonely
Some days I am too proud to ask for help
And I stumble through the noise
Trying to find some peace
A stranger in the crowd, I lose myself So, I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can’t find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It’s not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break
So, I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river This raging world can get so overwhelming
Looking for a meaning when it won’t make sense
In my head its getting loud
Like I can’t outrun this cloud
No matter where I go well there I am So, I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can’t find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It’s not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break
So, I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river Let the calm pull me under
Far beyond the thunder
Tell me it will all be okay
Let the waves take all my worries
Conquer them with fury
Give me shelter be my escape I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can’t find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It’s not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break
So, I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river
To the river
To the river
I walk down oh, oh, oh
To the river oh, oh, oh

Source: LyricFind Songwriters: Bernie Herms / Josh Groban / Tobias Gad / Toby Gad