Ever hear the following phrase? “you are the burning the candle at both ends.” I have heard it a lot over the years and I just about always laughed it off, until now. But before I get into that let’s look at the meaning of this “candle” phrase; to work or do other things from early in the morning until late at night and so get very little rest. Yep, that covers me and at times what I feel like I have been doing for many years. My parents would warn me of this in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s and I would laugh it off, not understanding the damage and bad habits I was creating for myself. Now into my 50’s not only have I realized that I can no longer burn that candle at both ends, I can barely burn it well at one end! I am no longer, then again never was, invincible, but I do believe we all feel that way in our “younger” years.

Time has gone by and I find myself in “burn out.” Being burned out means feeling empty and mentally exhausted, devoid of motivation, and beyond caring. People experiencing burnout often don’t see any hope of positive change in their situations. If excessive stress feels like you’re drowning in responsibilities, burnout is a sense of being all dried up I am feeling very much burned out! It’s my all my own doing, no one to blame or shift blame on, I did it to myself. – So the BIG question is – “now what?” Great question and glad you asked! I don’t know….

My pastor offered up a book study he and I can do and I quickly said yes. Now at first glance, way to go Dennis! Jumping into “one more thing.” But this was / is different. The book is called Reset and its about living in a burnout culture with grace. I am only one chapter in and I have found it well written, full of great thoughts, etc., but also it has confirmed that I am deep into burnout. The author, David Murray, offers a self check list with 8 different areas to evaluate with a total of 51 statements that you either agree or disagree with if it applies to your life currently. I have a total of 38 that apply to me right now – 74.5% passing grade for high school, failing grade for life – Ouch!

I will revisit this blog in the future by referring back to it as my journey through burnout continues – one day it will be a healing, but right now, the work must start. I have to learn new habits, unlearn some old ones, maybe even create something out of the ordinary – who knows, but I know this -I am not alone in this journey. I have been spending time at working to place individuals around me that I trust, love and care for -as they do the same for me – sort of my “fellowship of the ring” but in this case -I will go with “fellowship of the cross.” So – Susan, Chris, Beth, Jeff, Lance and Bryan – I will lead us deep into the mountains of chaos, grief, sadness, frustration and more -only to get to the other side with all of you and see the brightest of bright lights, our God, shining down on all of us as I go from burned out to something greater that He has called me to do and also I believe you too will become something greater as well! Thank you for taking this journey with me.

Thanks for stopping by the fire,

Pastor Dennis