As I have been falling in and out of burnout these past months I have done a lot of thinking. Most likely too much thinking, but nonetheless I have given thought to many things. Life, love, career, faith, death and more. It all seems to come back to the same place, some sort of beginning point and then along the way there are stopping points, but those at times can be missed or even ignored.

Think about it, from the very moment you and I born, we are “pushed out” into the world and then there is someone almost immediately “pushing” us to develop, to be, to do, to exist beyond what we just were. At first no one asks us what we want to do or not want to do. Our little brains are barely grasping at what just happened, one moment all cuddled up in a warm dark place and then woosh! Bright lights and these odd creatures looking at us – yes we better cry, if not scream as it seems to be the right thing to do! But then once taken, wiped off, wrapped in some very soft warm blanket, we are set back with our mom and things feel right, for the moment.

But the race is just beginning. We are taught how to speak, write, walk, run, play, follow rules, break rules and so much more. We test limits and boundaries and learn at rapid paces. One moment we’re crawling and the next moment we are running on a playground with our little friends in kindergarten. Then we blink our eyes and we are on a stage accepting a diploma from our high school and we keep on giving of ourselves.

We look back over those 18 years of our early life and we had parents, grandparents, teachers, pastors, coaches, neighbors and more. Each one in their own unique way pushing us to learn, be better and so on. What do we do? We give and give more of ourselves in this quest for learning and becoming something, no, someone that is greater than perhaps one of them. Reaching our goals, setting new ones, winning trophies, writing award winning essays and so much more.

Many of us will step out into the college world, some will go into the military, others will head straight to work and some will appear as if they do nothing. Yet all of the above keep on giving of themselves. Even if someone has “given up” they still have to give of themselves to survive. They might not live in the best house or perhaps on the street – but survival will cause you to find ways unheard of to give more of yourselves than ever thought.

But what about those in college and the military? They are pushed hard every day to be better than someone or something else. Better grades, better techniques, better speeches and better skills. Do this, do that, write here, listen there, speak soft, speak loud, clean this, cook this, hit here, shoot there and so much more. We are taught to dig way down inside of us and find those untapped resources to use and propel us forward into that next “thing” that is ahead of us. Maybe its a career waiting, a family to be had or possibly an enemy to take down.

We push ourselves along the way to be better husbands, wives, kids, workers, leaders and more. We give and give of ourselves to the point of exhaustion, pain, sickness and even death.

At what point, if there is a point, that we can slow down or even stop and not give more of ourselves?

I am not sure there is one. HONESTLY, I mean I am pastor you can believe me. I laughed out loud at this as I typed it because some people really think that because of the title “pastor” I can do no wrong or should do no wrong and I should have the answers. Well I don’t. I mean I am in burnout – somewhere around 10 months of this and sometimes I feel like I have little breakthroughs and then wham! That door slams closed and I am reminded of who, what and where I am.

Here is the crazy thing: my entire life, yours too, we have been conditioned over and over to give of ourselves. To push and go beyond at almost all costs. But here I am wondering, is it all worth it? I still read and have the desire to learn, teach and mentor others. I still want the same for myself. But the one thing that I know I missed on this journey until now is one very crucial word…

BALANCE. Without balance so much can and will fall apart. We know about balance, we hear about it and yet we don’t think much of it. We take it for granted in our physical world. We know when walking and we feel “off balance.” Sometimes that leads us to trip or fall and will cause a short course correction of what happened and we get back going. Yet, we tend to push ourselves and give of ourselves so much without any thought of this word. I don’t know why, but we do. Eventually some of us pay for this giving of ourselves too much. Examples, a pastor being in burnout. An athlete that just cannot get that next win. The runner who keeps giving their all and still ends up falling short of winning the race. Then there are those who will sacrifice, give and sacrifice more at their jobs hoping to gain more influence, receive a promotion and pay raise and have nothing at home to show for their work.

Yet when there is little to no balance in our lives – we all come up short. Some of us will give of ourselves so much that we will lose families, spouses and friends in this process of getting…

Getting what? For whom? Now as a counselor and coach I am all about bettering ourselves, developing our skills and more. But I am also about wanting to have a “why” behind what we do and even in some cases “who” is it for? The impact is so much greater when we have a target to hit, versus chasing down clouds and rainbows.

We can give of ourselves in healthy ways that will in turn help others. I have an acquaintance, oh darn I am going to call him friend. We don’t talk much and in fact our lives crossed paths in a vary random way, or was it random? That is for another blog! Yet my friend, Nick Alsup is someone that I look up to. I am inspired and in some ways in awe of this young man. What he has accomplished thus far in life blows many, I mean MANY others away. Fitness coach, multiple business owner, musician and martial arts instructor and more! Nick does everything, at least from what I know, see, hear and watch – with BALANCE. But then again the skills that he possesses is because he understands that without balance -you will fall. Here is one link to look at Nick Alsup and a facebook link as well. Why am I sharing these with you? I am getting some sort of kickback or favor from Nick? No! In fact the only way he will know about this is if you contact him and tell him you read this blog. I am sharing because as I have already stated about him, Nick knows balance.

You see, I do believe we can give of ourselves over and over and over again. But we must have parameters, boundaries – we must have balance. I am working on finding that balance. I have once again began using a planner to schedule out my time better. I am including blocked out times just for me to recharge. I am working out and learning how to eat better. I am reading a variety of books that will speak life into me, but also that I can use to speak life into others. I am learning how to view the world around me in not such a critical / judging way as that will suck your energy right away from you.

You see – I am a work in progress. At age 52, I have been pushed with the best of them. Taught to read, write, draw, bowl, play tennis, teach, lead and more. But I still don’t have all it figured out. But I do know this – life is short and I am going to create a newer / better version of me in order to live a longer more fulfilled life. Not just for selfish reasons – I want to pour into others and see them achieve the same. I want to grow old and walk off into the sunset with my bride by my side when we really are “old.” Whatever that really means. I am a firm believer that age is only a number and your as old as you feel.

Have you given enough of yourself? Have I given enough of myself? I can only answer for myself and that answer would have been yes 10 months ago when I realized burnout was towering over me. But then every giant must fall and this one is no different. It has caused to me look at great lengths what I have missed out on in life and what I still want. There are too many things I would like to achieve yet, but now I know that in order for this to happen, I must find balance in my every day pursuit of this life. This life that I believe God has given me and you. His plans are far much better than anything I can dream up, so part of my balance is also found in lining up with my creator and His Word.

Thanks for stopping by the fire,

Pastor Dennis