Quick question: would you rather be in the wilderness or the desert? What if you didn’t have a choice and life itself; the stresses, work, people, health, hurdles and more, leads you straight to one of them? What if you have been “wandering” for weeks now and you realize that something is really wrong, but you can’t place the proverbial finger on it? What if…

Well, it is not what if for me, it is my current reality. I have been walking through and recovering from burnout now for almost two years, thinking I was doing well, only to realize that now I have been wandering for sometime now and really tired. I was talking with my counselor about all of it and I had first described it as a matter of just being with “done” with everything, not really understanding what that means. He brought up several things, one of them simply being that I am tired of “putting out fires.” He is right about this! As a counselor, coach and Executive Pastor, much of my weeks are spent dealing with various “fires” of lives in and around me. But, it is more than this too. First I looked up to see where I might fall on depression “chart.” By working through a few questions, I do fall into what is called “moderate depression.” Not surprised, burnout does a lot to you – mentally, physically and emotionally, so I am not surprised by this. But, I think it is more than that, so I started asking myself questions, ones that I would ask clients.

So, my questions lead me to the fact that I am wandering in the wilderness with God. The desert seemed right to me, but I don’t feel like His Word is dry or not refreshing. So, it has to be the wilderness, right? I found multiple articles on this subject and wanted to share a small piece of what I found here. “In the wilderness, you’re given the opportunity to be sustained by the God who will go all the way with you, no matter how hungry you get. No matter how weak, how frail, or how lost. It’s the place where you learn you’re not all that impressive, and you don’t need to be. It’s the place where you learn the ordinary you is enough. The wilderness offers you a chance to be restored by God, if you will stay there long enough.” This sounds exhausting, yet so promising. But stay there long enough? I just don’t know how long it will be.

Now, I am not in a very “serious” mood so.. in your head hear Jeff Foxworthy say” You might be in the wilderness if…..”

Your normal way of life doesn’t work anymore.

Your dig-deep button seems to be broken.

Something deep and true about you is being brought to the surface.

Yes, I AM in the wilderness, all of the above is true. Not only true, but deep, hardcore, T R U E.

So now what? That is what you are thinking and it is what I am thinking too. I want to share how that second point was described as that is what I recognize the most about myself at the moment. “You’ve tried to white-knuckle it. You’ve tried to prove that you’re bigger than your vices. You’re exhausted and hungry. You’re lonely and you feel as though you’re never going to feel any different, ever. You’re probably moving slow, and you need lots more sleep. You wonder why you can’t do as much as you used to. You’re cranky. Have you ever stared at a kitchen sink full of dishes and felt as though you just couldn’t possibly face them? As if there were no amount of money in the world that would motivate you to wash them? The wilderness is the place where you’re invited to walk away from the dig-deep button and find a more sustainable way of living.”

Well, okay. Sounds like work of sorts. I have to learn some new things about handling life, but I also I need to let God in such a way that He moves and I am really paying attention to what He is asking of me and not hearing other messages / “voices.” So if I want to feel refreshed, with purpose, energy and more – I have to stop all the negative self thoughts, things that drain me and walk with Him in the wilderness.

“At the end of the day, what we need in the wilderness is a deep sense of connection with God, a word that will help us face the temptation to make something happen on our own, or help us leave our actual lives and our calling, or help us be spectacular. When you finally leave the wilderness, you will not be the same person who entered it, as long as you let it do what it needs to do: starve the false self and nourish the true self. There are things that need to change in me; they just won’t be changed by feeling bad about myself or trying really hard to fix them. That isn’t how wholeness works. The journey of wholeness is not a self-improvement project. It’s a journey of loss, trust, transformation, and eventually hope.”

I am looking forward to getting out of this wilderness, thing is I know that it will most likely not be quick and as much as I want it to be quick, I recognize that I need to be here now. I just hope that my friends, family and ministry team have enough patience to deal with me in the meantime.

I am certainly looking forward to transformation and hope, but I admit that I am also scared because I can’t see what is next and I don’t know what my God will ask of me and I feel so unprepared or even unqualified to do much currently. But then again, Peter and Moses both felt they couldn’t serve God….. I guess there is hope for me too.

Thanks for stopping by the fire,

Pastor Dennis

Are you in the wilderness or similar? Which voice will you pay attention to?

Parts above in italics are shared from articles on Tyndale.com